During the COVID-19 pandemic, a family took advantage of lower cruise ship prices and booked a trip. The journey did not go as planned: one of the ship’s propeller motors failed, slowing travel and leading to canceled port stops. While some passengers were upset about their disrupted vacations, this particular family felt differently.
Their reaction was shaped by events before they even boarded. On the way to the port, their rental car suffered a flat tire and lacked a spare. After finally getting help, they barely made it to the ship before departure. This close call changed their perspective for the rest of the trip; missing a few destinations seemed minor compared to almost missing the entire cruise.
The author, who studies gratitude, reflected on how this experience changed his understanding of thankfulness. He explained that gratitude often focuses on positive events or actions but can also arise from recognizing what did not happen—so-called “beneficial absences.” Philosophers refer to these as counterfactuals: imagining alternative outcomes that could have occurred but did not.
Three types of beneficial absences were highlighted:
First is “could have been a disaster” (CBAD) thinking, where people compare their current situation with worse alternatives that were avoided. Research shows that engaging in CBAD thinking can increase feelings of thankfulness.
Second is recognizing when others show restraint by withholding criticism or discipline. For example, an employee may feel grateful if a supervisor chooses leniency out of kindness rather than favoritism.
Third is appreciating when people refrain from giving unnecessary help or advice. Sometimes withholding assistance respects another person’s autonomy and fosters gratitude for being trusted to handle situations independently.
The article suggests that reflecting on such beneficial absences—like narrowly avoiding problems or receiving unspoken support—can strengthen one’s sense of gratitude.
In summary, gratitude is not only about acknowledging visible good deeds but also about appreciating disasters avoided, criticisms withheld, and unsolicited advice left unsaid.
